Sunday, May 30, 2010

Advice to Parents from Facebook Readers

We posted the following question on the Al Menconi Ministries facebook fan page and received the following comments:  

“If you could do it again what would you change about your parenting? This is your chance to let other parents "go to school" on your mistakes.”

You may notice the general theme of, "Lighten up and and learn to enjoy your children." 
Al Menconi,
editor

1. I would chill out more. I put too much stress on my kids to be their best.

2. Not let fear rule... wait more before responding... pray more (even though I prayed tons) but speak less... let gentleness lead me... be careful when talking about a behaviour not to attack the person... don't jump to conclusions... don't assume because a child does not say anything that they have the same convictions as you... draw them out more and ask more what they think about different issues... maybe say "this is what I believe but what do you believe..."

3. The big one I learned is, if your daughter is dating a fellow and if you have concerns and if you express those concerns too much or not an appropriate way you can lose that daughter because it will drive her closer to the fellow. You need to go real slow and wait on the Lord to know what to say and not to say.

4. Don't be dogmatic... we need to stand firm on certain convictions but need to allow differences in others...

5. Allow them be who they are instead of expecting them to be who I want them to be. Also, give loads more grace!

6. Don't react mad. Sometimes it won't be possible, but if you can, walk away or throw up a prayer to help you calm down. There is rarely anything said or done in anger that you don't regret later.

7. Remember young people embarrass easily and if you are on facebook really pray before you comment on your young person's profile, especially on the teens.
Entertainment can be a real stumbling block but not sure how to prevent the compromise that can come in that area of their lives.  Don't be the one that brings something in because you thought it was ok...

8. I would seek God's guidance for the discipline I needed to administer. Try to not react with fear and jump to conclusions.

9. Definitely would have spent more time just being with them and doing things with them. So much of what I thought at the time was important (like house cleaning) could have kept. The entire basis for discipline and guidance of teens is based on the bonds and relationship you have formed with them. Don't waste your opportunities!

10. Limit choices. The biggest downfall we experienced was allowing too many choices for our children. Children at a very young age need to be trained and not given so much freedom in what to do, when to do it, and what to wear. Be a parent not a friend.

11. I wouldn't have let them play organized sports until they knew how to play and demanded to play. Organized sports for kids rob family time and most of the time our children didn't even know if they kicked the ball in the right goal or not.  

12. We took our girls to Disneyland when they were too young. We wanted them to experience OUR childhood fun. We should have waited and let them anticipate going. We robbed them of the joy of anticipation.


13. Let's us know if you have something to add.  Which of the above was the most valuable to you?

Al Menconi Ministries
http://www.almenconi.com/
Parenting help for the Internet age
Christian Parenting advice
Entertainment advice for parents
Keeping Kids Safe In the digital age
Keeping Kids Safe in the Internet age

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