Monday, February 13, 2012

Facebook Parenting:For The Troubled Teen

Al's Response:

Wow! I sure didn't expect the above responses. 

I'd like to throw in my two cents. 

Yes, the child is WRONG. But I also believe the father's response was WRONG. The real question is how to restore the relationship. Not how can the parents "get even."

Parents should NEVER respond in anger NO MATTER THE PROBLEM - as it will only drive the child further away. Unless the father attempts to heal this relationship soon, he will lose his daughter. There will come a day when he wished he had a better relationship with his daughter and it may be too late. 

I have to agree with Annie (above), this problem is not new. The father should have confronted the child about her attitude way before it got this bad. He should have discussed and set reasonable guidelines with his daughter about chores, facebook, etc. He should have discussed reasonable expectations and reasonable discipline if the daughter was unable to follow reasonable guidelines. If the daughter is unable to stay within reasonable guidelines, the father should Immediately lovingly confront the daughter to bring her back into acceptable guidelines. 

Yes, I would have taken the computer away for a time and ask the daughter why she chose to lose the computer. The daughter MUST REALIZE the discipline came because she made a bad choice, not because I am being mean. Be sure to use a non angry, low key, soft voice. How you say what you say is important. 

The father was obviously HURT by the daughter. He should have let her know that she hurt him. 
It would take time but I would give the daughter the opportunity to regain my trust. 

This father was so hurt by the daughter that he was willing to symbolically "kill the daughter" and therefore destroy the relationship. All parents go through some degree of pain brought on by their child, but before responding in anger like this father ask yourself if you are willing to destroy all hopes of a relationship with your child? 

I can remember times when I felt like out of control and had to go to my bedroom and cool down before I could discipline my daughters. 

Parents should NEVER give up on being a parent like this father did. Shooting the computer may have allowed him to vent his anger, but did it move him closer to resolving this relationship? I only made it worse. 

I am willing to bet his daughter is presently making plans to "runaway" from home into the arms of a man who will show her "love." If she doesn't leave physically, she has already "left" mentally and emotionally. And the first chance she can she will try to "get even" probably in the arms of a man who is looking for a girl who wants to "get even" with her father. 

We should try to treat our children in the same way God treats us. He doesn't hold grudges or get even. He disciplines us because He loves us. 

I would ask this father if his daughter knows beyond a shadow of a doubt that she is loved by him. If not, we have just discovered the root of the problem.

5 comments:

  1. Al, I completely agree with you. Here was my take on this video: http://lisa-grant.com/2012/02/parent-or-friend-be-both/

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  2. Al, YOU NEED TO MAKE A VIDEO OF THIS COMMENT and put it up on YOUTUBE! And put it out there (YOU know how to spread it around!) so IT can go VIRAL. Email out the link to your vast list! The more hits, the more the viewers of this viral video will see the undeniably right response and solution!

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    1. Deb,
      Thanks for your advice. I will make a video and post it.
      Al

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  3. (I would add ONE thing... is she actually working all day and not having any down time? If that's true, is she getting enough sleep? At least the poor thing has computer time. ;) But IF/WHEN she has no down time, LOVE HER, HELP HER adjust her schedule/chores list: don't exasperate her.)

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